Child Development

Growing Up a Child with Better Parenting

We, as a parent it is always a challenge to grow up our child with better parenting. We want to give them the best of the world but sometimes, we become confused at the middle of their childhood and we dont know whether we are going in a good direction. Here are some key points that help parents to grow up their child with better parenting.

Grow with Your Child:

  • Set realistic expectations: If you frequently feel “let down” by your child’s behaviour, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.
  • Don’t say “no” all the time: Look for ways to restructure your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.
  • Change applies to parents too: As your child changes, you will gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two.
  • Seize every available moment to make a connection: Continue to provide guidance, encouragement and appropriate discipline while allowing them to earn more independence.
  • Be flexible: You must be willing to adjust your parenting style.

Talk to Your Kids, but more Importantly, Listen to What They have to Say:

  • Communicate: You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so”. They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do.
  • Take time to explain: Kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. So do take the time out to explain why you say what you do.
  • Reason with your kid: Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a non-judgemental way. Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences.
  • Negotiate: Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

Set Limits So Children Know Where to Draw the Line:

  • Discipline is necessary: The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviours and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
  • Set limits: Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include like no television until homework is done, no hitting, name-calling or hurtful teasing allowed.
  • Punishment isn’t always a bad thing: You might want to have a system in place like one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges.
  • Follow through: A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect from them.

You are Responsible for Your Child’s Self-Esteem:

  • Kids see themselves through their parents’ eyes: Your tone of voice, your body language and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else.
  • Praise accomplishments: However small, a compliant will make your child feel proud. Make a point of finding something to praise every day. These statements will do more to encourage good behaviour over the long run than repeated scolding.
  • Don’t belittle: Comparing a child favourably with another will make kids feel worthless.
  • Avoid making loaded statements: Don’t use words as weapons. They cause damage just as physical blows do.
  • Choose your words carefully and be compassionate: Let your kids know what everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’ like their behaviour.
  • Be generous with rewards: Your love, hugs and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough.

Make Time for Them Now. So They Make Time for You Later:

  • Spend quality time together: There is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with them or take a walk with them after dinner.
  • Schedule together time: Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time.
  • Look for ways to connect: Put a note or something special in your kid’s lunchbox.
  • Be there when you’re needed: Be available when your child expresses a desire to talk or participate in family activities.
  • Do things together: Attend concerts, games and other events together so you get to know more about your child and his or her friends.
  • Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent: It is the many little things you do – making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping that kids will remember.

Reading with Your Child Helps Better Language Skills:

  • Make Reading a Priority: Let your child know how important it is to read regularly. Establish a regular time and place for reading.
  • Read to your child: Make time to read to your child on a regular basis. It’s a great way to help develop a love of learning.
  • Ask your child to read aloud to you: So you can also listen and correct his pronunciation as and when required.
  • Make sure children’s books and magazines are easily accessible: Keep books in the family room, kitchen or your child’s bedroom to encourage him or her to read more often.
  • Visit the library: Make regular visits to the library and let your children select their own books.
  • Be a reading role model: Read a lot. Let your child see you read and hear you talk about your books.

How to be in Control of Everything, Even Temper:

  • Be patient and positive: Controlling outbursts can be difficult for kids and helping them learn to do so is a tough job. Try to be patient and positive, and know that these skills take time to develop and that just about every child can improve with the right coaching.
  • Try to be your child’s ally: You want your child to triumph over the temper.
  • Take a break from the situation: Tell your kids that it’s fine to walk away from a conflict to avoid an angry outburst. By moving away a child can get some space and work on calming down.
  • Find a way to get the anger out: Your child can choose to write about or draw a picture of what is so upsetting.
  • Learn to shift: Explain that part of calming down is moving from a really angry mood to a more in-control mood. Instead of thinking of the person or situation that caused the anger, encourage kids to think of something else to do that might bring about a better mood.
  • teach by example: Keeping your cool and calmly working through frustrating situation lets you show and teach appropriate ways to handle anger and frustration.

Take an Active Interest in their Homework, so They are Interested Too:

  • Know your child’s teachers: Attend school events, such as parents-teacher conferences, to meet your child’s teachers.
  • Set up a homework-friendly area: Make sure kids have a well-lit place to complete homework. Keep supplies – paper, pencil, glue, scissor etc. within reach.
  • Schedule a regular study time: Some kids work best in the afternoon, following a snack and play time; others may prefer to wait until after dinner time.
  • Help them make a plan: On heavy homework nights, encourage your child to break up the work into manageable chunks. Create a work schedule for the night if necessary – and allow them to take a 15-minute break every hour, if possible.
  • Keep distractions to a minimum: This means no TV, loud music or phone calls.
  • Be a motivator and monitor: Ask about assignments, quizzes and tests. Give encouragement, check completed homework and make yourself available for questions and concerns.

Watch what Your Child is Watching:

  • Do your research: Find safe and child-friendly search engines for your child to use. Bookmark them for easy access next time.
  • Make an agreement: Create an agreement with your child that outlines which site he or she is allowed to visit, and which are off-limits. If your child accidentally goes to an unsuitable website he or she should tell you, so you can delete it from the ‘history’ folder.
  • Stay aware: Keep lines of communication open so you know what websites your child is visiting. Pay attention to his or her surfing habits.
  • Acceptable internet use: The computer must be in a family room with the screen facing outward so you can see what’s going on.
  • Watch out for online bullying: Your child should understand that they should never be afraid to tell you about frightening or bullying emails or messages they get with unacceptable content. It’s not their fault that they have received them and the addresses can be added to the parental control filter list.
  • Safe downloads: Your child shouldn’t download unknown files from the internet without you agreeing. It’s best to never download unknown files at all.

Make Your Child Bully-Proof:

  • Talk about it: Talk about bullying with your kids and have other family members share their experiences. If one of your kids open up abut being bullied, praise him or her for being brave enough to discuss it and offer unconditional support.
  • Remove the bait: If it’s lunch money or gadgets that the school bully is after, help neutralize the situation by encouraging your child to pack a lunch or go to school gadget-free.
  • Buddy up for safety: Two or more friends standing together are less likely to be picked on than a child who is all alone. Remind your child to use the buddy system wherever bullies may lurk.
  • Keep calm and carry on: If a bully strikes, a kid’s best defense may be to remain calm, ignore hurtful remarks, tell the bully to stop and simply walk away.
  • Don’t try to fight the battle yourself: Sometimes talking to a bully’s parents can be constructive, but it’s generally best to do so in a setting where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.

Teach Them to Deal with Stress:

  •  Notice out loud: Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. Be sympathetic. Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong. Listen attentively and calmly. Try to get the whole story by asking questions.
  • Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing: Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you.
  • Help your child think of things to do: If there’s a specific problem that’s causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. Support the good ideas and add them as needed.
  • Listen and move on: Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that’s needed to help a child’s frustrations to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing.
  • Limit stress where possible: If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things.
  • Just be there: Even when kids don’t want to talk, they usually don’t want parents to leave the alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there and spending time together.

Criticism isn’t Always a Bad Thing:

  • Criticism is good: We all make mistakes, children and adults alike. Criticism teaches children self-control, helps them learn from their mistakes and teaches them how to do better.
  • Balance your act: Constructive criticism and proactively responding to your child and redirecting their behaviours, actions and efforts require a balancing act.
  • Respect the feelings of your child: Focus on the behaviour that needs changing – not your child. Speak with kind words.
  • Deliver a clear message: Children need to understand how they can make improvements. Simply telling them  they aren’t doing a good job isn’t enough.
  • Offer opportunities to make amends: Doesn’t mean your child necessarily owes you amends, it means that they need the opportunity to do better. Ask your child for ideas on how he or she thinks he or she might do better next time, and then you can offer your own ideas if appropriate.
  • Learn to move forward: It takes character to move beyond the initial hurt that criticism cause. Sometimes the best lesson you can teach your child is how to read criticism and know if they are valid or the result of someone venting.

Grow Up Child

Grow Up Child

Grow Up Child

Grow Up Child

Grow Up Child

Grow Up Child

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